I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
