I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
