never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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