Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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