i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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