I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
