I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
