you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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