He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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