I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
