he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
