Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
