next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
