i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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