So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
