I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
