I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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