remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
