I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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