ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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