...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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