he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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