In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
