My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
