I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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