Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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