We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Randomize
