i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize