Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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