one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
