just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
