4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
