im so drunk with asians
where?
always
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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