if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
