Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
