I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
