tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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