he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
