i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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