Where is the hickey?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
