If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
