Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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