Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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