Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
