i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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