She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
