apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The Olympian is in my bed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
