I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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