Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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