i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sext me about skeletons
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
