so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
