"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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