my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
