I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
