well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize