Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
