When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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