My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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