Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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