I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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