A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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