I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
