If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
