woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think my moral compass just broke
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
