Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My penis needs a shock collar
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
