I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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