Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
