census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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